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| Pesciolino |
Inserito il - 09/10/2007 : 09:58:40
Ogni tanto rispulcio le vecchie e-mail in archivio (le poche che mi sono rimaste dopo i vari crash degli Hd) e ritrovo quasi sempre qualche chicca vecchia ma sicuramente riproponibile. Questa risale al gennaio 2001. Fa parte di un lungo scambio di email letterario-scientifico-antropologico-etc. con Jijjino (Giancarlo Arcuri).
The Nutell
Once upon a time, many, many, many, m… na cifra of many
years ago, at the beginning of the initiation of the mond,
there was the caos.
One day, God (God is the nome d'art of Dio), God, who was
disoccupated, had a folgorant idea and so God created the
Nutell.
And God saw that the Nutell was good, very good, very very
good, good'na cifra. The mangiation of God was long.
He manged one million of barattols of Nutell sfrutting the
fact that God has not a Mamm that strills if you sbaff too
much Nutell...
And after this mangiation, God invented the Water Closed
Run, the cors in the cabinet, and some Nutell's derivates
like the red bubbons, the panz, the cellulit and ceter, and
ceter.
After di which (dopodichè) he invented Adamo ed Eva and all
the paradise and he diss to Adamo and Eva:.
- Now you have all the Paradise, you can do everything,
very tutt:
you have the permission to eat, to drink, to kiss, to scop;
nothing lavor, nothing affit, nothing concors of impiegats,
nothing cod alla post, nothing IRPEF, ILOR.
Only very ozious life: television, telenovels, football,
moviols, process of Monday, appell of Tuesday, cassazion of
Wednesday, and ceter, and ceter.
You have gratis restaurants, cinemas, theaters, all the
Paradise is yours: air-conditioned, autom riscaldament,
moquette, parquett, tresset, bidet,omelette, eccet,
eccet....
TherŠs just one thing, remember, in tutt the Paradise just
one thing absolutely prohibited.
Come, come to me in the giardin: this is "the Nocciol", the
alber of the Nutell.
Only this alber of the Nutell is prohibited, because I like
the Nutell very much, very very much, much 'na cifra and I
want all the Nutell, tutt the Nutell for me."
During the prim temps, Adamo and Eva were very happy. Adamo
said:
- What a cool! ("cool" is not in Italian "freddo",
no, "What a cool" means "Che cul") All the Paradise is
nostr!
And everyday, ognigiorn, they discovered something new.
A lot of scoperts, many scoperts, many many scoperts, 'na
cifra di scoperts. One day the scopert of the hot water,
one day the scopert of the spaghettis, one day the
cigarettes, and ceter, and ceter.
But one day, a trist day, a very very trist day, trist 'na
cifra, Adamo and Eva fecer the scopert of the first
colazion. And after the scopert of the cappuccin, the
scopert of the aranch succ, the scopert of the cornetts,
they understood that something was mancant.
- Eva! - said Adamo - Don't you think that qualcos is
mancant here, proprio here, 'ncopp this fett?
- Second me - Eva risposed - 'ncopp the fett you have to
metter burr and marmelade.
- No, no Eva, you know that the marmelade schif myself. I
want 'ncopp this fett something very particular, very very
particular, particular 'na cifra.
What do you think about the Nutell?
- No, Adamo you are scording that the Signor said that's
vietat!
- Yes, I remember, but only a little assaggiation, don't
succed nothing!
And Adamo sces in the cortil where the alber of the Nutell
was and he pres a small barattol and spalmed the brown
cream on the fett and assagged the Nutell.
Adamo and Eva don't ebber the time to exprimer the godiment
that the tuons and fulmins apparved in the ciel and one
voice said:
- Potevamo stupirv you with special effects, but I'm God,
not Fantagod! Adamo, Eva, come here! Im very incazz with
you, very very incazz, incazz 'na cifra! How did you permit
to tocc the Nutell? Didn't you remember that it was
prohibited?
- Cazz! - esclamed Adamo - It was prohibited! Oh, sorry,
God, I'm very very sorry, sorry 'na cifra, God, I really
really was completely scordat...
- Don't do that fint tont, Adamo, I'm God, I can see
everything, very tutt, and I know that you and the woman
have deliberatament assaggiated the Nutell. So you have a
big punhition, a very castig for your peccat. But siccom
I'm sconfinatly good, you can choose, you have two scelts:
Scelt number 1:
Nothing Nutell for ever and ever in the secols of the
secols, amen!
- Nooo! - Eva was piagnucoling - It's a thing very tragic,
very very tragic, tragic 'na cifra!
- Aspett! - said God "Don't be frettolous woman...
Scelt number 2:
You can take the Nutell, no problem, let's prend, prend,
but for you is the cacciation out of the Paradise. You will
have to lavorar with the sudor of your front, you will zapp
the terr, you'll have mal of schien and, like this don't
bastass, everytime you will mang Nutell, the malediction of
the brufols, of the mal of panch, of the cacarel will be
cadent on you.
- Al.è! - esclaimed Adamo - Thank you God, thank you, we
don't interess the cacciation dal Paradise, the important
is to have the Nutell! Goodbye! Ciao, Ciao!
And so Adamo and Eva were cacciated and this original
peccat and this malediction cadded on lor and on lor
discendents, and on the discendents of the discendents.
Infact, tutt'ogg, you can veder in the pubblicity all the
ragazz that per aver one fett of pan and Nutell they scalan
the mountains they stay in a tend al fredd and al gel and
ceter, and ceter.
But the final pensier of tutti noi is:
- It's meglio faticar and soffrir with the Nutell piuttost
che the Terrestr Paradise senz the Nutell. |
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